photo by David Trotter

There’s something powerful about the simple act of asking. Although most of us unlearn how to ask as we get older and more ‘mature’, there are three things that my kids have taught me about asking…

1. Be clear about what I want.
   Granted, my kids may want a lot of things, but there is no question that they truly want it. Whether it’s food at a restaurant or a toy at the store or a movie they want to see…they are very clear about their desires. If I want help from someone, I first must get clear about what I want. Otherwise, they’ll never be able to help me. What do you want from your spouse, business partner, boss, co-worker, kids, or even yourself?
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2. Make a strong case for what I want.
   My kids don’t just beg for what they want by saying ‘please’ over and over again. No, they understand that they have to give me solid reasons that require evidence. I’m not moved by begging, whining, or pleading. I need a strong case. How about you? When you ask for something, do you have strong reasoning behind your desires? Have you really thought through the request before you make the ‘ask’?
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3. Expect the other person to say ‘yes.’
   My kids are shocked every time I say ‘no.’ They have such a strong belief in what they’re asking for and they have such great passion in the case they’ve presented. In their minds, “How could Dad turn us down?” Do you have that much positive expectation when you’re seeking assistance from someone?

Whether you’re asking for a raise or just trying to get the salesperson to allow you to return a pair of worn shoes, here are a few REASONS WHY PEOPLE are telling you ‘NO!’

• You aren’t passionate about what you want.
• You ask with a sense of entitlement.
• You’ve said ‘no’ to that person without ever saying ‘yes.’
• You don’t make the person feel excited to say ‘yes’ to you.
• You haven’t asked the person to believe in you and your idea.
• You don’t have a strong track record of following through.

How has your ‘asking’ been going lately?
Do you have anything on your mind or heart that’s worth asking for?